Johnny drank the coffee standing up and put the cup down on the table with a thud.
"What do you want to eat?" she asked him, looking puzzled.
"I'm not hungry."
"Do you want to tell me what’s wrong with you this morning?" she asked, crossing her arms and standing in front of him.
"Just stuff to do with work."
"Can you tell me about it?"
"I know you won't leave me alone until I do." He scratched the back of his neck. "There’s a project I have to work on, but the best way to do it is to go and see the place in person."
"And where’s the problem?"
He made a sound which was more like a sarcastic chuckle. "Where’s the problem... " he repeated, irritated. "The problem is that the place is in Paris."
"Paris? Don’t tell me you have to leave again!" said Loreley alarmed.
'"It's not certain, but there's a good chance I'll have to go. And I really don't want to make another trip so soon after the last one."
"When will you know for sure?"
"By Wednesday. If it’s like I think, I'll have to leave next weekend."
"How long is it since you came back from California? Not even three weeks... and you're leaving again already!"
"L.A. had nothing to do with work, you know that. I'm already annoyed, so don't you start too!"
Loreley tried to stay calm.
"I’m going to get into a tracksuit and go for a run. I need to let off some steam," he announced, with one foot already outside the kitchen.
"I’ll prepare something to eat in the meantime. I’m hungry, and maybe when you get back from your run you will be too."
Johnny headed to the bedroom and Loreley focused on breakfast. How did you make pancakes? Oh, that’s it: eggs, flour, sugar... and something else. Damn, I can’t remember! Picking up her phone, she did a search on the internet, found the recipe a minute later, read it quickly and immediately set to work.
As she making the toast, she heard her private mobile phone ringing. She turned off the toaster and ran to answer. Recognizing the caller’s voice immediately, she jumped with joy.
"Hello, beautiful. Did you miss me?"
"Hans, how are you? Where are you?" She sat on the stool beside the kitchen counter.
"I'm fine, don’t worry. Esther and I are back home."
"Really? It was about time!"
She imagined him smiling.
"Don't be envious..."
"I'm not. And Esther? Where is she?"
"Right next to me and she says hello."
"Give her my love. I'm glad you're back in town."
"We’re a little less glad, but that's okay. I called to tell you mom would like us to go to her place for lunch tomorrow. She'd love to see us all together again."
"If it’s OK with you, it’s fine with me. I'll tell Johnny and let you know."
"I hope I see you tomorrow."
"I hope so too. Bye!"
With the cell phone still in her hand, Loreley began thinking about how to tell Johnny about the invitation. He liked to go for a ride on his motorbike on Saturdays and watch football games on Sunday. In the two years they’d been living together, you could count the times her parents had seen him on the fingers of one hand, despite living nearby. Only Central Park, on its shortest side, separated their homes. Convincing him to accept the invitation would not be easy.
Confirming what she had imagined, it required all her diplomatic talents and lawyer's tactics to convince Johnny to go with her. She pointed out that Hans and Esther had been disappointed at his absence from their wedding, and that the least he could do to make up for it would be to attend the lunch that her parents had arranged for the newlyweds’ return home.
"Are you wanting me to feel guilty about something that wasn’t my doing?"
"I'm just suggesting what you should do so as not to hurt my family's feelings."
He snorted and got up from the table. "Well, alright! But I'm just doing it for you," he said, pointing his finger at her. "You're lucky the Giants aren’t playing this week."
Loreley went to him and hugged him, then raised her hand behind his shoulders and made a "v" with the index and middle fingers: Hurrah!
"Thank you! Ask me anything you want and I’ll make you happy."
***
The next day at nine o'clock on the dot, Loreley was clinging to Johnny, sitting behind him on a large motorcycle, for a ride around the streets of New York. There was little traffic at that time on a Sunday and outside Manhattan.
"Ask me anything you want and I’ll make you happy," she had told him the day before, and she should have imagined that he would propose a ride on the bike, his second passion after football. Furthermore he knew how much she instead hated the two wheels and she suspected that with that move he had wanted to force her to return the favour.
She hated the full-face helmet because it glued her hair to her head and neck and ruined her hairdo. Sometimes she felt as if she couldn’t breathe properly and this made her so restless that it made the bike sway. Even though Johnny had told her she must accompany the movement of the machine with her body around the curves, and not counter it, she didn’t find it easy.
Almost three hours passed before that torture ended. When Loreley put her feet back on the ground, she felt she was levitating.
It was ten minutes to noon. She ran into the house for a quick shower, and didn’t take the trouble to get dressed up. Instead she slipped on a pair of heavy jeans, a powder blue sweater and a pair of suede boots.
When John came upstairs she was ready. He didn't bother about a shower: they were late enough. He just took off his vest, put on a dressier one, and changed his shoes.
They took Loreley's car and cut through the park to get to the East Side of Manhattan.
Hans opened the door to them.
Loreley hugged him. "Hello, big brother!"
"Hey, I haven’t been away all that long," he commented letting her hug him.
"What’s all this mushy stuff?" grumbled Albert, her father. "You're late and I'm hungry. You know I don’t like having to wait for lunch."
"It's my fault. I took her for a motorcycle ride," John interjected.
"What?" Albert looked furious. "How could you take my little girl on that infernal contraption?" he snapped again. With his imposing stature he towered over the young man, making him look like a twig in comparison.
Loreley rolled her eyes. "Johnny, my dad hates motorcycles more than I do."
"You had to take after someone," he whispered him with a grimace of disappointment. "I was very careful and I didn't go too fast," he said to defend himself.
Ellen Lehmann came to her husband’s side. "You're the usual grumpy old man," she reproached him in a tone that barely hid her irritation. "Come and eat, come on, everything's ready," she added, smiling at the guests.
"Loreley, I’m so happy to see you again," her sister-in-law Esther said, hugging her. "Come and sit next to me."
Once the initial annoyance had passed, the conversation among the young people was happy and serene, but between their two hosts it seemed limited to a few polite words.
Loreley looked from her mother to her father occasionally and the sensation of tension that she could feel between them took away her appetite. Johnny, on the other hand, ate as if there were no tomorrow, just like he did at home. She always tried to keep up with him and ended up feeling as if she had a large stone in her stomach; this time, however, she just picked at her food and refused the dessert.
Her stomach was bothering her. A few hours earlier she had also felt some nausea. Maybe it was the motorcycle ride.
When they had finished eating, they raised their glasses to toast the return of the newlyweds.
"I'm so happy for you," Loreley said to her sister-in-law as they stepped out onto the glass-enclosed terrace, full of evergreen plants that went all the way to the ceiling. The men were sitting on the sofa in the living room refuelling themselves with spirits.
"I’m happy too. The right time will arrive for you soon too, wait and see."
"I’m not waiting for it with any trepidation, I can assure you. And he has no intention of remarrying anyway, not in the short term, at least!"
"And who said anything about John? I was referring to a hypothetical unknown man."
"Esther, please!"
"Come on, I'm kidding! But it's true. You might find someone more willing to get involved than he is."
"I'm not thinking about taking the big step for now."
"When you find yourself in front of the right man, you’ll want to do exactly what I did."
"That’s what you think! I have to dedicate my time to my job now, because I’m still a rookie." The thought of having to start a family complete with children before her career got off the ground gave her a sensation of anxiety.
"By the way, how's it going with that guy you're defending? I read the papers... "
"Well, we're coming up with a line of defence that could reduce the years of any conviction. The facts point to him, so it looks like he'll end up in jail, but I have to find a pretext so he’s inside for as little time as possible."
"A plea bargain would be enough to achieve that," commented the other. "Am I wrong? I've seen it happen in some movies."
Loreley smiled. "He doesn't want to know about it. Peter Wallace still can't believe that his Lindsay is dead. He claims that he only slapped her and that when he left she was still alive and well. But the evidence contradicts him. I’ve only spoken to him once, to try to find out more, but it was like banging against a wall of silence and reticence."
"It won’t be easy for you to know the truth if he is not willing to cooperate."
"Do you mind if we change the subject? I'd like to avoid thinking about work tonight."
"I don't mind at all."
Esther looked up at the sliver of sky that could be seen above the tall buildings in front of them.
There were a few moments of silence, as Loreley looked at her sister-in-law's beautiful profile, her long brown hair hanging loose on her shoulders, her gaze lost up there, thinking about who knows what. Not knowing what else to say, Lorely jumped at the first topic that came to mind. "Do you miss your city?" she asked her.
Esther sighed. "No... that is, I can't say. Sometimes I have images, scenes that make me remember it, but I don't feel nostalgia, not enough to want to go back there at all costs. On the other hand, I miss my brother so much, even though I remember so little about him." She paused briefly, rolling a long strand of hair around her index finger. "I would love to see him again, but I don't know where he is, or what happened to him."
"There's must be a clue somewhere."
"Just the note he left for Hans before he disappeared, saying that he wanted to entrust me to him."
Jack had written a note for Hans? she asked herself puzzled.
Hans had never mentioned it to her. She had never been able to understand what had driven Jack to leave so quickly, and it had been over a year now since it had happened.
"Let's do something fun, and go and annoy our men there in the living room," she suggested to Esther.
***
Coming out of the warmth of the office, the cold air of late October shook her from the sensation of dullness that she had been experiencing for several hours. She had got up that morning with a nausea that had forced her to skip lunch. Most likely she was getting something, maybe it was that malaise that precedes the actual flu.
She looked up. Threatening clouds hid the evening sky and the bare trees seemed gaunt extensions of the ground pointing upwards. The strong wind forced her to close her jacket and knot her silk scarf more tightly around her neck. She didn't like winter, apart from Christmas and some time to enjoy ice skating.
A taxi was dropping off a customer a little further along, so she hurried to it and had it take her home. The smell of food hit her as she opened the door. She took off her coat and put it on the sofa with her bag, then looked into the kitchen. Mira, in her usual blue dress and a large white apron, was setting the table.
"Are you hungry?" the maid asked, and turned to look at her, the small blue eyes smiling.
"Not much really. Is Johnny home?"
"He’s closed in the study. Dinner's almost ready."
"I’ll go and tell him."
It took quite a while to get him away from the drawing board, but then Johnny devoured a large grilled steak and as many vegetables as she would eat in two meals.
Loreley pushed her plate aside with a grimace of disappointment: she didn’t understand why seeing Johnny eating a lot that evening bothered her so much.
Apologizing, she headed to the bathroom to take a shower. The warmth of the water relaxed her, leaving no room for thoughts, and she put up no opposition. Her thoughts wandered far into the past, to her university days, to David, to the time she met Johnny and her future with him. A long-term future... Becoming a real family.
But what the hell was she thinking?!
Johnny had never told her he wanted to make a family with her. He had already had a wife and had run away after a few years. During the marriage he had also had a daughter, about whom he spoke very little, unlike many fathers who...
She interrupted that sequence of thoughts with a shiver, opened her mouth and let the water run into her throat. Spluttering she turned off the faucet. Many seconds passed before she could breathe properly again.
Leaning against the tiled wall, she moved her wet hair off her face. She should start the pill again today and she hadn’t had anything. How come?
She had read somewhere that with some types of contraceptives the flow could decrease until it disappeared altogether. Yes, that must be it.
And what if something wasn’t right? she asked herself, wringing the water out of her hair, and feeling edgy.
That question worried her so much that she dried herself quickly and got dressed again. She couldn’t bear to have that uncertainty hanging over her until the next day, or she wouldn’t sleep that night.
When she was ready, she told Johnny that she had forgotten to buy her usual painkillers and disappeared out the door.
Within minutes she was at the pharmacy, just across the street. She went in and asked for a pregnancy test. It was absurd to be so worried, but she knew there could be a margin for error.
Johnny was lying on the couch when she returned, intent on watching a football game, so she took the opportunity to undress and lock herself in the bathroom without being disturbed. No one could get Johnny away from there, not even the prospect of hours of unbridled sex.
She followed the instructions on the packaging and waited for the result. The test should be done in the morning, and by doing it in the evening the most she risked was getting a negative outcome, never a false positive. In that case, she would repeat the test the next morning.
Sitting on the stool, she tried to imagine how Johnny would react if the result turned out to be positive. They had never talked about marriage, let alone having children. It would be a real blow to both of them.
She looked at the clock, then at the test indicator...
5
The test was positive. Just as she feared.
How the hell did that happen? Where had she gone wrong? she wondered as she wrapped the stick in a tissue to throw it in the bin.
After a few minutes she left the bathroom, feeling as if she had been given a strong dose of sedatives. But she didn't join Johnny in the living room. She didn't want him to notice the state she was in, and needed to think about things before talking to him.
She went to the bedroom and finished undressing, took her pyjamas from under the pillow and slipped them on like an automaton. Then she noticed that she had put the pants on back to front, but couldn’t be bothered to fix them.
Hearing footsteps, she turned, her back to the door. "Are you going to bed already?" asked Johnny.
"I'm very tired. Do you mind?" She pretended to be looking for something in the drawer of the bedside table so he wouldn't notice she was upset.
"No, not at all... I’ll join you as soon as the game ends, it’s half-time now." He walked towards her.
A mask of impassibility, the same one she wore in court, dropped over her face.
"All right." She closed the drawer again after taking out a packet of tissues she didn't need.
John hugged her from behind, his hands around her waist. "Go to bed,” he told her. I’ll turn off all the lights and close the shutters."
She turned her head to look at him sideways.
"Why are you staring at me like that?" he asked her.
"You hate doing those things, I always have to do it."
He smiled. «Since you’re going to sleep and I have to go out, I’ll make the effort to do it."
"Are you going out with Ethan?"
"As usual. But don't worry, we won't be too late tonight."
John broke the embrace, gave her a light kiss on the temple and left the room.
Loreley slid under the covers, but struggled to get to sleep. For the first time, she felt happy that Johnny was going out without her in the evening. She hadn’t recovered from what had happened at Hans's wedding yet, and now she had a bigger problem. Neither of them had considered bringing a child into the world, not now.
***
Two days went by, and Loreley had not yet decided to let John know that he was about to become a father for the second time. She wanted to keep that secret to herself, although in a glimmer of rationality she vowed she would tell him as soon as possible, in the hope that he would not react negatively.
It was unbelievable that she could get pregnant despite taking the necessary precautions. When she was at home it was all she could think about; and it was only when she was in the office that she could get her mind off it. Work kept her busy and gave her a little respite.
That Wednesday morning she was in a courtroom with her client, Peter Wallace.
Loreley had seen defendants nervous, repentant, worried, frightened, or even pleased with themselves, but she had never seen such a detached expression on the face of any of them. For this client it was as if what was happening around him did not concern him at all. He sat there next to her, his eyes staring into space, with his hands clasped in a pose which would have been more suitable inside a church than a courtroom.
Loreley had met Judge Henry Palmer during her internship and had appreciated him for his humanity, which was not discernible now, however. His eyes were half-hidden by the drooping upper eyelids and the thin lips were tightly closed, as usual. She rarely saw him smile during a hearing. At a rough guess, he must have put on at least ten pounds since the last time she had seen him, and his belly was now pressing against the edge of the bench. Even the toga couldn't disguise it.
The judge adjusted his spectacles on his nose before asking her the question she expected. "How does your client plead?" His voice rang out loudly, but a little hoarse, as if he had just recovered from a sore throat.
She turned to Peter Wallace, who did not blink an eye. The only thing that let her know that he was alive was a barely perceptible twitch of his well-shaped jaw. "Innocent, Your Honour. My client has no previous record, he has always led a quiet life, and the crime of which he is accused is yet to be proven. The evidence against him is based solely on an unreliable statement. I ask for him to be released on bail."
"Prosecutor... " said the judge, inviting him to speak.
"The defendant has no priors, that’s true, but as has already been pointed out, he has an aggressive nature, and there is always a first time for any act. Furthermore, he could leave the State, his family has the means to help him. I ask that the defence's request be rejected.”
After careful consideration, the judge decided: "Bail is denied."
The sharp blow of the gavel ended the hearing
Her client turned to her then, his green eyes devoid of light.
"I'm sorry."
"It wasn't me. I know that no one believes me; not even you, counselor."
There was no humility in his tone nor self-pity, but no arrogance either. She saw him push a small lock of curly, Titian red hair from his eyes.
"Goodbye, Counselor Lehmann," he dismissed her, a moment before the guards arrived to escort him out of the courtroom.
She walked away quickly as another defendant and his defence attorney entered and were about to take their positions.
When she arrived home, Loreley threw herself on the sofa without even taking off her shoes. She had worked like she did every other day, but she felt more tired than usual. Even the scent of pot-pourri that permeated the air seemed stronger than usual. She turned up her nose.
When John returned shortly after, she raised a hand to greet him from the sofa, too comfortable to stand up and go to meet him.
"Are you all right?" he asked, approaching her. "You haven't even changed."
"I'm tired lately, you know that."
He took off his jacket, threw it on the armrest of the sofa, and after taking off her shoes sat down next to her. "Why don't you take a break, then?"
"I can't."
Johnny frowned. "Because of the case you're dealing with?"
"Yes, of course."
"Taking a weekend off won't change anything for your client, but it can only do you good."
"I don't know if it's the right moment..."
"Not even if I asked you to come to Paris with me this weekend?"
Loreley stared. "You never ask me to come with you when you go away for work."
"I know you love Paris and it’s quite a while since you were there. I can see you’re really worn out and I don't like it."
"Oh, well, I could give it some thought," she said as she pushed his hair back from his forehead with a small caress.
John smiled at her. "Just some thought?"
Loreley quickly reflected. She would have to talk to him, sooner or later, and couldn't let any more time go by or it would make the situation worse. Maybe Paris was the right occasion and the right place for that kind of revelation.
"Okay, that's fine. The answer is yes, I’ll come with you."
"We leave on Friday morning, at dawn. And not in a manner of speaking. So have a word with your boss and ask him give you some time off until Monday. Paris is not just around the corner."
It would be a real struggle to get Kilmer to agree to her taking time off.
Well, she didn't give a damn, she had every right to it!
***
Paris! The quintessential city of love and age-old haven for artists of all kinds, Loreley was reading in the hotel brochure.
She put it back on the ivory-colored bedside table, wondering whether that city would help her and John to bolster their feelings for each other. She hoped so with all her might.
Going to the French doors, she opened them wide and went out onto the small balcony with the wrought-iron balustrade. Their room was on the fourth floor of a pretty Art Nouveau hotel in the centre of town, along the boulevard that led to Rue de Rivoli, the street bordering the Louvre museum.
The sun had set hours ago, but the air was not as cold and humid as she imagined it might be at that time of year. She looked at the tree-lined square below, with several benches and a marble fountain. There was a line of rental bicycles stretching along the pavement, and a little further away she could see the street, quiet at that hour, with its many shops.
As soon as they had stepped into the room, Johnny had thrown himself on the bed to recover from the fatigue of the flight. She had managed to sleep on the plane and, apart from a little nausea, she felt well and eager to do some sightseeing around the city.
"Come back inside, you're letting cold air in," Johnny grumbled, pulling the blanket up to his chin.
Loreley sighed. There was just no hope that he could see that place through the same eyes she did, she thought, closing the shutters. In the time it took her to pull their clothes out of the suitcase and arrange them in the small closet, Johnny had already fallen asleep. So she picked up the book she had brought along, lay down on the bed, and began to read.
After fifteen minutes she closed it snorting. Okay! He could go on sleeping, but she didn't want to be closed inside the hotel listening to him snoring. She fixed her shirt, picked up her handbag and opened the door.
"Where are you going?"
Loreley stopped. "To take a walk along the boulevard. I wanted to let you rest and not disturb you..."
Johnny pulled himself up and leaned on his elbow. "Come over here to me. I want to celebrate the first day in Paris in my own way."
"Then you're not so tired after all!" Unbuttoning her shirt slowly in a way that clearly showed her intentions, she threw the garment onto the ottoman, unzipped her skirt and it slip down along her legs.
“The rest is up to you,” she said, moving towards him until she was so close she could feel his breath on her face.
Johnny put out his hand and within seconds she stood naked in front of him. His desire was clear to see.
That evening, he surprised her by indulging in foreplay much longer, knowing how much she liked it. It was one of the few times Loreley felt filled with attention.
If he loved her, maybe he wouldn't react badly at the news of the baby. Maybe she was just creating problems for herself and exaggerating them. Difficult as it might be, she found herself thinking about a life with him and their child. But why had it happened at that very moment, so soon?
***
The next morning, John left her alone and went to discuss the project with a construction company, Loreley decided to visit the Louvre Museum. She had been there already, some years before, but hadn't been able to see all of it.
She spent hours exploring the rooms, going up and down the stairs looking for the pavilions where the works that interested her were displayed, and stopping every now and then to rest.
Late in the afternoon she went shopping along Boulevard de Sébastopol and bought just a few things, because not much would fit in the suitcase.
When they met up again at sunset, Johnny suggested they go to the Eiffel Tower. They had the taxi drop them off close by and strolled along the banks of the Seine watching the sun disappear in an explosion of red and orange behind the buildings, as the first lights of the evening appeared.
The top of the tower could be seen in the distance, soaring above the trees. When they arrived at the foot of the imposing metal structure it was fully illuminated.
Loreley looked at people lined up in front of the ticket office and heard John muttering. "Look how many people are going up to the top! Are you sure you want to do this?"
"Not if you don't feel like it," she replied, trying in vain not to let her disappointment show.
"All right, I’ll do it to please you this time too."
He was doing his best to make her happy, she thought.
"Maybe I should make you smile more often, your eyes are shining."
She really wanted to show him how much she appreciated those words, but gave him a fleeting kiss instead: there were too many people around.
They arrived on the rooftop panoramic terrace an hour later. Seen from above, Paris was indescribably beautiful, the lights multiplying as the minutes passed, creating brilliant patterns interspersed with splashes of tiny shimmering dots.
The crisp evening air made Loreley shiver a little, which may not have been due to the cold breeze, but the knowledge that it was time to reveal her secret to him.
She looked around and noticed a red sign above their heads: "Bar and Champagne", she read.
"What if we get a drink?" she proposed.
