But in reality, it is impossible to plan everything, much less create the image of a person ideally for oneself. And so Anyuta made a mistake. She asked for love for herself. She met a man who was strong and whole as a person, but who was not ready for remarriage. With two grown-up sons, Victor gave up on his personal life. «What kind of husband am I,» he told Anya. «What can I give you? I’m a man and I should have my own house, my own territory, and provide for my family completely. I don’t have either of those things. I’m just burned out. My main thing is to raise my sons. I’m sorry.» But even then, it didn’t frighten Annuta. She was just happy to see this man, to meet him, that’s all.
Victor liked getting love from Anya, too, and he always appreciated it. But he was afraid of something. He was afraid of getting attached, of falling in love, of himself. Many times he called, promised to come and didn’t come, disappeared somewhere, then reappeared. At some point he simply disappeared for several years, only Anya’s phone kept ringing in the evenings and even at night, but the receiver was silent. A woman’s heart knew whom it was calling. One day she happened to meet her man on the street, but he didn’t notice Anya. Everything in her soul trembled and ached. Two days of struggling with herself formed the decision – to write a message to Vita. At that time Anyuta had already lived with another man for two years, because Victor had simply disappeared. The answer came almost immediately, and both were very happy, forgetting about time, conventions and other nonsense. Everything spun with renewed vigor, until again for the man came that extreme moment of falling in love and fear for his potential and the need to take responsibility for his love.
Years went by. Unable toВ change anything, the woman dated Victor and continued toВ somehow arrange her family life. For several years she created aВ civil marriage, but love was elsewhere, next toВ her masterpiece. This went on for ten years, after which Victor fell ill and died. And even then Anya felt him and talked toВ him inВ her dreams. But the man was gone, and the love for this man was also gradually going away, leaving behind aВ trace ofВ happiness, opening the channels ofВ love.
Anya understood very clearly – when you form a desire, you have to be very careful not to regret it later. There is a tremendous power in desire, which turns the existing reality in the right direction. You can’t kill the love in you, because such actions always leave a long negative trail.
There is nothing superfluous inВ the world, we often pass byВ our happiness, sometimes just not noticing it, we complain about fate, not knowing how toВ use the opportunities that open before us, we envy others, not feeling their good, not knowing how toВ enjoy ordinary things and just love the person as he is and you know aboutВ it.
Crossroads ofВ Destiny
Women very often tend to live for the future, forgetting that the present is most important. To give birth to children, so that in the old age there would be someone «to bring a glass of water, and you do not want to drink,» to bring up her husband, so that again in the old age is not alone, to gain status, so that people respectfully spoke about it, or at least just envy. But it so happens that seeking the future, we miss the present: we tolerate now, deprive ourselves of joy and personal time, waving his hand on his health and well-being, that God forbid to seem not worthy of something, or receive someone’s condemnation. In the pursuit of men’s attention and love, we forget about ourselves and our value, not realizing that the main thing is the value of their own personality and attention to their soul, their body, their development.
They had been friends since childhood, Larissa and Nellie, three and aВ half years apart inВ age. When they were little, they came toВ the village for the summer: Nelly toВ her grandmother and Larissa toВ her aunt. The girls understood each other, played war together with the boys, Indians, soccer, went fishing, went toВ the river, inВ general, the game ofВ dolls did not attract them much. As they grew older, they began toВ visit each other, dreaming ofВ aВ happy adult life. Soon Larissa, she was the eldest, went toВ another city toВ study at university inВ the Department ofВ Journalism, and the girls did not see each other for aВ long time. They met only four years later, when Larissa was getting married toВ aВ military officer, who had an unsuccessful family life and experience ofВ combat operations inВ hot spots. He was more than ten years her senior. Lara did not grow up inВ aВ full family, not having aВ father, she wanted toВ somehow make up for the trauma ofВ childhood, toВ escape the eternal poverty when her mother was pulling two children: Larochka and her younger brother. The girl was always jealous when someone from her class went on vacation toВ the sea or had expensive fancy clothes. She dreamed ofВ aВ prosperous adult life and always knew that she would marry well.
Even as a child, her friends were always hanging out with their brothers: Larissa had an older cousin (the son of her aunt), and Nelly had a native brother, the same age as Larochka. Apparently, this is why their interests were mutual, more like kid’s games. This time was called «the early ’80s.
Everyone grew up and went their separate ways: Lara finished school, Nellie was the youngest in her group and went to live in another town with her parents and brother. Lara’s cousin, Semyon, was drafted into the army to fight in Afghanistan. After a while, Nellie’s brother also went to serve for two years in a war zone. Soon Semyon was blown up on a mine and was hospitalized home without one leg. Depressed, not knowing how to live his life anymore, he considered his life a failed mistake. It was then that Nelli and Semyon unexpectedly met at the bus station.
His bus was leaving earlier than Nellie’s. Eye to eye, two or three minutes seemed like an eternity, the pain of loss, the reality of life and youth in one person. Tears rolled down the girl’s cheeks, for her, still very young, it was a shock. It seemed as if the whole earth was overturned, crushed by the time of life. Nellie didn’t notice her childhood friend Semyon was gone, leaving his gaze sprinkled with ashes in her memory. She continued to stand on the platform and cry. Upon returning home, the girl lay awake all night, arriving in a state of shock. Her heart was bursting with pain: «How to realize and accept this.» The only thing she could do was to support her friend, giving a piece of herself. The distance of three hundred kilometers gave her the idea of writing kind letters to Semyon every day, just to talk to him. Before she knew it, she had fallen in love with her friend. He didn’t respond, but simply graciously accepted such a gift.
В«IВ will open the door wide toВ the morning dawn.
Let the wind rush through the window, I’m so happy today.
Over the horizon, maybe aВ dream merged with destiny.
So good toВ live inВ this world, especially withВ you.
You are near, and my heart is warmer, And the sky is aВ little bit full ofВ doves.
And everything seems more kindred with you on this earth,В» Nellie wrote, without asking anything, without explaining, she simply wrote about herself, about hope for the future, trying inВ this way toВ instill hope inВ Semyon as well.
«Good morning, my friend. Every day in this life is unique: the wind, the sun, the sky breathes its beauty on you. The smell of the grass, the singing of the birds – all this is for you, if you want it, the whole world will be for you. Smile, because to smile is happiness…". So a year went by.
Larissa celebrated her wedding at her mother’s house. All of her closest relatives and friends gathered together. It was an ordeal for Nellicka, where she met Semyon for the second time. He arrived late and in thirty minutes Nelli had to be on her way home, the only way she could buy a bus ticket. The girl stood against the wall in the corridor, like a frozen woman, unable to move or say anything. Semyon arrived and approached her, apologizing for his tardiness; she was silent.
There was that cold shower over her body again, and the fear of reality. Nelly was afraid to see Semyon, but she just couldn’t not see, she was afraid of herself, of her experiences.
Then, seated at the festive table, they looked into each other’s eyes as if under hypnosis. Not knowing why yet, but Nellie could not take it anymore, she got up, got dressed and left, no, ran to the train station, choking on her feelings. On the bus, the girl was crying unable to stop, realizing suddenly that she had done everything she could, that she would not be able to be with this man by her side. She asked herself, «What was I waiting for?» – and found no answer. It was as if a wound had opened in the depths of her soul, and it hurt so much…
At a young age we are not able to fully evaluate their actions and feelings, and even more so to explain. Perhaps, the girl’s imagination drew her images, and the puzzles did not come together in reality.
After Larissa’s wedding, life once again twisted our acquaintances friends in different cities. Lara went with her husband to his apartment where she lived, and Nelly continued to study also at the university, living with her parents. The friends again did not see each other for several years. During this time, Nellie experienced feelings of disappointment and unrequited love several times. In the aftermath, she did not marry very well, more out of mental calculation, thinking it would be better that way. Love was no longer knocking at the door of her burnt soul.
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