Maxim Titovets "The Maiden Forest. A play in two acts"

Chopper. Relax. Jacket and Kolosov are settling their personal scores.

Slav. Is it true that they are related?

Chopper. Kolosov is his stepfather. It was he who got Jacket and Moray arrested for drugs aВ few yearsВ ago.

Slav. What aВ nasty son ofВ aВ bitch.

Chopper. Jacket had spent four years inВ jail. Meanwhile, his mother died.

Slav. The fellow had damned bad luck.

Chopper. Kolosov buried Jacket’s mother and got his grubby hands on the icon collection her granddad left to her.

Slav. How much money did Kolosov make onВ it?

Chopper. When Perestroika began, profiteers bid aВ four-room apartment inВ Moscow for those icons.

Slav. [Whistling.] And where is this collection now? [Opening the door ofВ aВ wardrobe and groping around inside.]

Chopper. In the old Kolosov’s apartment. The roost is alarmed. We are going to find out the password and take the icons without a big fuss. Karen the cracksman is already there.

Artyom with the uncased rifle and Moray enter. Slav closes the wardrobe door, Artyom and Moray noticeВ him.

Moray. Jiggers! Cops! [He takes off towards the exit, stumbles, and falls. Then he sees that Artyom and Chopper don’t run away and keeps sitting by the door.]

Chopper.[Giving aВ laugh and coughing.] You do! You do look like aВ cop, Slav.

SceneВ 3

Midday. The stage setting is the same as inВ SceneВ 1.

Fyodor is sitting on the terrace. Some light snacks are served on the table. Venya leaves the house.

Venya. IВ might have just dropped and broken aВ mug from your collection. [He shows aВ jug with aВ broken handle toВ Fyodor.]

Fyodor. Venya, don’t sweat it. It’s a cheapie.

Venya. Looks pretty.

Fyodor. It’s a replica of an Infantry reservist jug. I’ve never even drunk from the original one myself, put it on to a shelf.

Venya. It’s a shame anyway.

Fyodor. Put it on the table. You’re going to hurt yourself.

Venya.[Carefully putting the broken jug on the table.] You have some beautiful icons inside. Are those the ones from your collection?

Fyodor. Those are copies, Venya. The collection itself is kept inВ safety, alarmed.

Venya. Gotcha. IВ figured as much.

Pause.

Venya. How can Alexey take aВ steam bath so early inВ the morning?

Fyodor. He is used toВ it. Has aВ healthy heart.

Venya. I can’t stand this humidity. My Zodiac is a fire sign. [He sits down at the table.]

Fyodor. AВ fire sign? Do you believe inВ astrology now, Venya? Does your spiritual father approve?

Venya. You know, priests and devils, they both seem the same to me as of late. I am sick of theorizing. I’m letting my hair down. First-hand experience is priceless.

Fyodor. It’s only a shame that we have to pay for this experience with our health, youth, and nerves.

Pause.

Venya. The whole life is aВ nasty joke. AВ friend ofВ mine once came home from aВ business trip only toВ find his young wife inВ bed with her lover. В«What are you doing here?!В» The cuckold shrieked. В«There you go,В» his wife said toВ her lover. В«IВ did tell you that my husband is an idiot.В»

Alexey, fresh-faced after bathing and wrapped up inВ aВ bathrobe, comes out ofВ the banya behind the house and walks along the path towards them.

Alexey. You’re telling Fyodor about Galina, your third wife, aren’t you? [Coming up to the table and noticing the broken jug.] Who smashed such a cool jug? Ah! I seem to know the answer.

Venya. It is because ofВ men like you, pampered sticklers for cleanliness, that wives deceive their husbands!

Venya stands up, takes the broken jug, and goes inside. Alexey laughs afterВ him.

Fyodor. Alexey, leave him alone, for Heaven’s sake.

Alexey. Venya is a bungler and loser. It’s a fact.

Fyodor. Veniamin never had luck with women. He is suffering, poor wretch.

Alexey. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

Fyodor. It’s baloney! Dogs can learn at any age, especially when they are hungry.

Alexey. Have you heard the news? Venya even took aВ life-couching course.

Fyodor. He asked me toВ join him too. Positive thinking is inВ fashionВ now.

Alexey. These shamanic dances are just like drugs.

Fyodor. Everybody’s got to make a living.

Alexey. Some mysterious forces crank out these smooth-talking shamans who brainwash the common people. They create aВ temporary illusion ofВ inner peace and self-confidence, get the gullible idiots motivated. They fill the hearts ofВ losers like Venya with joy and their lives with struggles. This irrational joy and faith inВ the glorious future can later play aВ dirty trick and make their lives miserable.

Конец ознакомительного фрагмента.

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