Irina Nemchinova "Dana’s Phoenix. Based on dreams"

Man: Love is always with us. We hide it and we openВ it.

Dana was illuminated byВ these words and said:

– I think that the place inside me is as dark as here. And my love can be seen with a small pink point, which can neither illuminate this darkness, nor dispel it, nor break through it.

Man: I love being in the dark. You are left alone with your fears in it. When you merge with the darkness, you feel empty. Because there are no fears. That’s how I become free. That’s how the pain goes.

Dana: Sounds so simple. If you could just be free.

The bassist’s laughter was heard again. But now it even makes fun of the girl. It was such a chest’s laughter that charged positive. It was interestingly that each time he broke off his laughter abruptly he became unflappable. It was looked like an actor’s playing. Dane liked it and even attracted it. Each time the tone of indifference became more clear and more pleasant, as it seemed to her. There was something familiar in it.

The pink point inВ front ofВ the girl moved smoothly downwards. The man picked up aВ cigarette and talk again:

– The past should be left completely. Any attempt to forget, to change and to run away is a genuine desire to bring it back. But there is no any past, it cannot be so. Otherwise, the natural course of events will be disrupted. The past has no place in the future. It’s not real. And the more you reach for it, the more it slips away. Even if you can get him back a little bit. Remember, that’s not true. This illusion is doomed to failure. Something that must die – will die anyway.

Dana exhales smoke:

– So, the only way out is death?

Man: Yes. And now you’re dying.

Dana expected toВ hear again the rolling laughter, still hoping it was aВ joke. After that, she wanted toВ laugh, but her mouth was pulled. It was so tart and dry inside her throat. She feelt weaker and weaker with each exhalation. It was as if it was not the air and smoke coming out ofВ her lungs, but life inВ itself. The head became heavy and the body was weightless. Her legs were coughing up. Massive hands picked her up and helped her toВ lie on the floor. She also saw aВ pink glowing point inВ front ofВ her. The stranger froze over her and watched silently. It was getting really dark inВ her eyes.

PartВ 2

Uuuuu, aaaaaaa, oooooooooohhhhh.

The vibrating voice was heard nearby. It was like someone was buzzing in her ear. Dana was lying on the grass. Her friend Matthew lied right next to her and apparently was waiting for her to woke up. He was a blond, tall guy. He was as young as Dana was. He didn’t like the big companies of people too. It seemed that they had found each other so they weren’t alone at all. He was someone to talk with.

Dana touched her face to see if she was wearing glasses. Yellow glasses. She had a strange feature. Her eyes weren’t addicted to bright and white lights. There were even tears of it. Most likely, this deviation of vision appeared during school, when it was necessary to write a lot with poor lighting. At least that was what the doctors thought. The girl herself believed that it was psychosomatics. The sun was beyond the horizon. The girl lied on the grass under a hammock. There was a blanket next to her. And her friend, in his own.

Dana: Matthew, IВ see you lied well.

The girl could be herself only with him. Sometimes they joked with sarcasm. Both ofВ them call their humor experimental. The guy did not think long:

– Yes, I noticed how you were relaxing on the lawn. Are you decided to sleep under the stars or meet the dawn?

Dana: IВ need toВ think about it. The condition is like IВ am still sleeping. What did you do? Well, did you hum there something?

Matthew: I am pretending to be a shaman. I’m Joking. I’m in anticipation. Maybe we’ll meet a real shaman today. It feels like we should visiting there today.

Dana: What do you mean?

Matthew: At the festival.

He looked at Dana fluently. There was aВ question inВ his eyes after that. He stood up from the grass and gave his hand toВ Dana with the same strange look.

Matthew: So, get up. You surprise me from time to time. Both the fact that you don’t remember being in the yard as the fact that we have to go to the festival in half an hour. I’m a little worried about that.

The girl got up. Shake herself. Corrected her hair. Looked around. They were inВ the backyard garden. Neighbors were not visible. Maybe they were still sleeping. She lives inВ aВ small house near the forest, on the outskirts ofВ the town. There were just two small rooms: bedroom, workshop, inВ addition toВ the kitchen and bathroom. All rooms were small, but comfortable. Only yellow muffled light could be found inВ the house inВ the evening. Despite her eye photophobia, Dana loves sunlight inВ the house during the day, so only white translucent curtains hang on the windows. The house seemed light and comfortable. Except ofВ the workshop.

There were more order than comfort. Dana had a lot of interests. But her favorite hobby was photography. But her main work was sewing. She liked to sew clothes, imagining that someone will put them on and she will shoot them on camera either on the street or in nature, so who just wanted to take a picture in the photo studio was renting a room for an hour, or even two. On the walls, in her small creative space, were hanged the photos that she liked most. Street pictures, as well as photos from studio. All of the photos were portrait and black and white. The faces could clearly be seen as It’s special lines and mimics, like at first glance.

Each face line tells a lot about a person: character, strengths and weaknesses of the person. Dana has always been attracted to look at people’s faces. Whatever the physique, but the face is the most distinctive part of the body. We are either attracted to or pushed away from the person. Everyone feels that way intuitively while looking at a person in the face – no matter how he is dressed up and how he behaves himself. Somebody said that the eyes are a mirror of the soul.

But it’s just a drop in the ocean. The whole face is the atlas of human life. From wrinkles to moles, from hairline to ear tilt and chin shape. Therefore, Dana considers physiognomy to be the most intimate hobby. But only a few people talk about it. Matthew is the most frequent listener of her reasoning and observations. They entered the house. She invited a friend to wait in the workshop. Then she went to make a fresh coffee for them. Matthew sited comfortably on an old wooden chair, painted white near the sewing table. I had to move the fabric and the sewing machine to settle down comfortably. He likes what Dana does. Beautiful outfits. Without unnecessary details, pretentious inserts. It was more monotonous, with the original cut. A combination of colors and textures. Dana likes, especially, traditional outfits sewed in a modern way. This allows her not to forget about her Ukrainian roots, but also to declare them boldly in modern society.

There was aВ small locker inВ the corner, the door was half-opened. That was where her sewing products were stored. It looked tempting and mysterious as inВ childhood when you found some parent box or box, which kept something dear and valuable. Dana entered the room with aВ small tray. There were two cups ofВ coffee and aВ handful ofВ chocolates inВ it. Delicious things for aВ friend. There was aВ rocking chair behind the door. She sited there, sipping fragrant coffee with cinnamon. It often helps her toВ wake up accompanied byВ thoughts and ideas.

Dana: I can spend hours looking at these pictures. They inspire me. Sometimes I imagine what kind of dress or suit would fit their faces. If we didn’t rush to the festival, I’d still be sitting here. To see if I’m sleeping or waking up.

Matthew: What is sleep? It seems toВ me that everything is happening inВ some parallel universe. Shamans are able toВ walk through these worlds. Maybe aВ dream is the same trance toВ travel the worlds.

Dana: ByВ the way, what will happen at the festival?

Matthew: I don’t know for sure, but it’s ethnic event. Today is the summer solstice. Traditionally it held in Greenstone Park. By the way, if we finished our coffee so it’s time to go.

Dana: Wait for me about fifteen minutes, please. The girl was heading toВ the bathroom. She was trying toВ remember last night. And the only thing that came toВ her mind was aВ dark silhouette at aВ stop at the train station. And then there was the wagon where she fainted. InВ the bathroom, near the mirror hanged one lamp with yellow muffled light only. She took off her glasses and then washed herself and were watching at face ofВ herself for aВ couple ofВ minutes. She kept her hands under aВ stream ofВ warm water toВ make them warm. It is nice toВ put your palms back toВ your face. This feeling ofВ heating helps her toВ catch the moment that she is here andВ now.

Dana packed up quickly. She wore her favorite dress with embroidery at the collar. The main thing to remember is to grab a bag with a camera. Everything else doesn’t matter. The girl’s clothes was simple. It should be high-quality, simple and marking its beuty. But not defiant. So whatever she was wearing it was pre-designed in her wardrobe. The same style she had to her appearance: it was minimum of makeup and maximum naturalness. Tastefully selected glasses have already solved half the case. Both headed to a small black car, which standed near the yard, were passing for a first the same morning garden. Matt started the car. They were listening quietly beloved band: it was Massive Attack. Dana sited next to him in front. Silently, they went to the festival. It was about half an hour to go. And all this time fear didnt leave Dana. Some kind of premonition of the accident disturbed her. The mood was such as if she did not want to talk, and even more distracted the driver.

The guy watched at her squirming sometimes. The only thing he could do is toВ get lost inВ guesswork. After all, she never told him what happened toВ her yesterday and why she remembered so little. But this quality ofВ character Dana appreciated inВ Matt. He Didnt get involved until she asked or told him something.

Dana: I had a strange dream, and now I have a strange feeling. I’m afraid.

Matthew: Well, finally.

The guy sighed. Because behaving yourself as if it was right is wrong. Although, the truth is that all is right and fine despite the slightly strange details ofВ the morning.

Matthew: What are you afraidВ of?

Dana: Death.

Matt: Did you dream about that?

Dana: It seems so. But I’m definitely not sure. I’m not sure even i woke up. And last night. Maybe I dreamed it? And there was nothing to be. Maybe I’m still dreaming. Otherwise, why am I still alive? Now we’re on our way, and I’m afraid it’s going to be over.

Matthew: You know. Sounds really crazy.

The guy wanted to make a joke at first to end this conversation, to change the topic to the simple one. But he realizes that he knows this feeling. Pressing his lips, he withstands a pause. It’s not important what to say, but how.

Dana: Yes, nonsense. Have you ever feltВ so?

Matthew: One day. I wanted to get rid of my pride and asked the universe to help me. And what I’ve get? Anticipating of death is a wonderful feeling. I knew that I could die at any moment. That I’m just like everyone else. The body can stop breathing, no matter how cool I am. It’s all personal – my illusion, my idea of myself, and death doesn’t matter who you are. Isn’t that great?

Looks like he was amused byВ his experience. The girl smiledВ too.

Dana: IВ think that we are all very mistaken when we are afraid ofВ death and feel sorry for everyone who is close toВ it. Accepting the fact that it is always there and just waiting for the moment toВ make aВ greatest kick toВ make us love life even more.

Matthew: Yes, that’s exactly what it looks like. It’s little scary at first, of course. But what is fear? It is Just emotion, as well as joy, for example. If you will stop your mind you will noticed that it is not even a state of mind. Matthew’s eyes were especially kind at that moment. The girl was watching him closely. How sincerely he shared his personal experience with her.

Dana: IВ looked into your eyes and the fear disappeared.

Matthew: If you were sitting inВ silence and thinking about your fear you could screw yourself up well. It would be no longer an emotion, but aВ state, because you thought and exaggerated for aВ long time.

Dana: Yes, you’re right. I didn’t want to distract you. And, in the end, you changed my mind.

Matthew: IВ Hope you are positive?

Dana: IВ think so. IВ guess. It feels easier.

The road was quick because ofВ philosophical conversation. Sometimes they was talking about different topics. About absolutely everything. Perhaps those conversations were that thing that turns their relationship into aВ frank friendship.

Dana forgot about the dream and the train station, which she dreamed of. After all, byВ the way, they drove nearly him. There were aВ lot ofВ cars near the Greenstone Park. They were going further, just toВ find aВ parking spot. It was aВ great kind ofВ landscape opened them when they arrived. The park itself was located at the exit ofВ the city, where the spacious hills began. Forest separated those hills from the city. The place itself had power. There was aВ reason why the Park was called so: there are aВ mount ofВ large stones inВ the forest which was not typical for those area. Where would they came from? Especially those one, which were as high as twice human growth. They were covered with moss, overgrown with fern. Only from one place you could consider that the first stone looked like aВ woman with aВ baby inВ her arms, and the second one, at the back, looked like aВ man, as if he was sitting sternly, guarding with aВ sword inВ his hand and leaning aВ little on stone.

This is known by the locals as make a «wishing for happiness to the family stone». Somebody just comes here to sit at the stones, not giving any importance to this. But it’s still good to be in this park.

Dana and Matthew came toВ the entrance. Above the gate was hanged aВ large wooden sign В«Welcome toВ the festival.В» Visitors could hear ethno sounds and aВ lot ofВ funny noisy voices. They entered as soul mates, under the arm. They were glad because they were interested. From the outside it seemed that they were like brother and sister, similar toВ each other. And if look closely, these were very different two faces. The noses and eyes were just the same. Matthew was aВ head taller than Dana. No wonder: He was two meters tall. If he was with aВ hat. Both ofВ them had wavy hair. If you could compare them toВ some animals, it would be thoroughbred horses.

There were a fair on the field. Here were a lot of manual workers, artisans and else. They selled the author’s clothes, somebody made talismans and mascots, somebody – ethnic musical instruments such as tambourine, vargan, Tibetan bowls, and somewhere, even, knives and axes of their own production could be bought.

Matthew: IВ think your clothes would fit here,В too.

Dana: Maybe… I’ll have to think about it.

Matthew: Yeah, feel it. It’s not so simple for you.

The atmosphere of the holiday seems to be full of mysteries and secrets. Here you can learn something or buy something interesting or important for yourself, Or maybe meet someone you know. A lot of people from different towns come here. There are some familiar faces, but there is no one who could be friend. Maybe it’s because of Dana’s ant socialness. Although many people in this city know her. There is noisy and curious here, so that head is going around. The girl is looking for a place to sit down and to have a drink, at least a cup of tea. When she was looking around, she saw something flashing in the distance. Dana goes straight to the glitter and finds herself next to a small homemade house. There are wrought-iron jewelry for sale. And behind the house are tea places of pillows on a large carpet. All of this is under a canopy, the same homemade and consist of dense colored fabrics. Inside was the pot over the fire hangs. And you can hear the smell of herbs. Such a fragrant tea.

From the shop went aВ woman, she was tall, with strong body, but not old at all, as it seemed at first. Maybe she is ten years older than Dana. It looks like she is mistress ofВ this whipped-up tearoom. She smiled, confidently clasped his hands on the sides.

Woman: Would you like Tea from aВ pot?

Dana noticed one feature in the appearance of a woman. White gleams in the outer corners are the same as the gleam of eyes. The ears that have been pulled from the head are slightly bent outwards. But they are not the caplows. The girl whispered to herself» «This extraordinary woman clearly knows something.» The woman’s confidence encouraged her. She Immediately leveled her back and lifted her chin. Then she turned back. She didn’t see Matthew around.

Woman: Don’t worry, have a rest! Come on. Sit down.

Dana: Thank you! I think I’ll try your fragrant tea. The smell is awesome.

They went to the tent and sited opposite each other near the hot pot. The tea service was already standing on a small table. It’s just convenient to have a conversation sitting on pillows

The woman took the ladle and pours tea into the bowls. Rinses and pours toВ the bottom ofВ the tea table. It was the second time it was poured for drinking.

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