Parenting with pleasure. How to become a happy parent and enjoy it
Andrei Isaev
Some might not believe it, but raising kids is interesting. Sometimes children behave badly, they scream, demand the impossible, are rude, get dirty, disobey. But we love them anyway!What could be more pleasant than seeing how a child becomes smart, educated, well-mannered, and not without our help. I am convinced that parenting can be enjoyful. For both kids and parents.
Parenting with pleasure
How to become a happy parent and enjoy it
Andrei Isaev
English translation and edition Vasili Marshev
English translation Andrei Isaev
© Andrei Isaev, 2022
ISBNВ 978-5-0059-4478-8
Created with Ridero smart publishing system
Foreword
Some might not believe it, but raising kids is interesting. Sometimes children behave badly, they scream, demand the impossible, are rude, get dirty, disobey. But we love them anyway!
What could be more pleasant than seeing how aВ child becomes smart, educated, well-mannered, and not without our help. IВ am convinced that parenting can be enjoyful. For both kids and parents.
Being aВ developmental psychologist, IВ teach numerous courses for children aged from 4В toВ 11. The main tenet ofВ my lessons is making children smile. OfВ course, sometimes children (just like grown-ups) can cry, be angry, sad or become exhausted. It is aВ part ofВ our lives. But our goal is toВ accept it, cope with it, and move forward with aВ smile. Well, maybe not with aВ smile, but feeling satisfied and engaged inВ our own lives.
The child points at a person walking down the street bare feet and asks his father: “Dad, why is this man without shoes?” “I think, because he doesn’t have any,” dad replies. “Maybe his shoes were torn?” I can hear the beginning of the kids’ story.
What does this example above tell us? Children always imagine their lives as aВ continuous process ofВ creation. This is how children inВ preschool age discover the world around them. We, adults, should use this when we raise our children!
Chapter 1. Children who like things they do (engagement)
What do we do best? What do we do with diligence and precision? Something that we like. Something that we enjoy.
And kids are no exception. The child’s willpower is not as strong as an adult’s. And the primary motivation for children is interest and engagement.
Adults can act out ofВ necessity or duty, but children cannot. And, when asked to, they end up slacking simply because it is meaningless toВ them.
InВ order toВ achieve goals, one needs toВ feel engaged.
“Pay attention, please!” (attention)
“He is so inattentive” – parents tell me sometimes when they bring their children to my classes. But when offered an exercise they find interesting, they become focused and concentrated, they become immersed in the task. How is this possible?
The answer lies inВ the close relation between engagement and attention.
If we do something with pleasure, our attention is absorbed inВ the activity. And, similarly, it is very difficult toВ sustain attention on aВ boring task.
The child has not yet know how to manage their attention. Rather, their attention is controlled by surrounding stimuli. It is in the parent’s abilities to help the child direct their attention and control this “spotlight of consciousness”.
There are a number of activities that can train child’s attention control:
– Board games, where the child needs to follow the game’s plot, sequences of moves, execution of the game’s actions.
– Game sports, where dexterity, game awareness and attention are important.
– Chess, reading, viewing pictures and completing various tasks with them, etc.
What is it for? (The goal)
Hellen is waiting for her mother in a hallway of a business-center. But sitting still is boring and very hard. So it might seem that Hellen is just hopping like a frog. “Fooling around”, adults would say. But in reality, Hellen is playing a game she just created. Its goal is to reach the finish line at the end of the hallway by hopping on alternating legs on the tiles on the floor.
What would this game be without the goal? Maybe a lazy teacher’s gym class. But for Hellen it is a very interesting game. But also, it is a game that develops dexterity, balance, various muscle groups, and body control.
Engagement helps children train attention control. Engaged children do not just perform better, they enjoy themselves. And one ofВ the secrets ofВ how toВ engage aВ child is aВ goal.
Notice that every game has aВ goal, otherwise, it would be meaningless and boring.
Help children set goals. Once the child is ready, teach them toВ set goals byВ themselves. Ask them about what they will do now, why, with what purpose?
Make it interesting! (the rules ofВ engaging activity)
– The activity’s requirements should be within the child’s abilities, but demanding enough for it to be quite demanding. In other words, it should pose a feasible challenge.
– Do not forget about the goal. The child should understand it, see how how they can reach it, and how well they are doing.
– The task must be given the child’s full attention.
– The child should feel control over their actions.
The child will definitely feel engaged if they think they are playing aВ game.
Gregory is trying to throw an empty bottle in the trash can. At first he comes very close and he succeeds in a single throw. Too simple! He takes a step back and tries again. Then another one. Then Gregory tries to do it turning his back to the trash can. Then squatting. Then with his left hand, then over his own head, then over his brother…
Who would have thought that the task ofВ throwing aВ bottle inВ aВ trash can turn into such aВ breathtaking adventure!
What is the parent toВ do?
If you want toВ help the child enjoy what theyВ do:
– Make your interaction clear. Make sure that you understand each other. Give clear feedback.
– Learn to speak your child’s “language” sometimes. “Greg, we need your special superpower to gather the toys. No one else can do it!”
– Learn what the child is thinking and feeling at the moment.
– Give your child a choice in every situation. Use your imagination and your adult intelligence. “Well, Billy, will you put away the toys first, and then the clothes? You’re in charge of the room here, so you choose!”
– Be on your child’s side. Trust them.
– Find activities that contribute to the child’s self-improvement.
The child and the whole world aroundВ them
What can aВ parent do toВ help the child find joy inВ anything?
It is important toВ show the child the many interesting things that one can do inВ this world.
Train with your child toВ turn negative circumstances into controllable experiences. Look for opportunities around you. Be attentive and observant, show interest inВ what and who surroundsВ you.
– Teach the child to manage their physical sensations, to control the body. It can involve exercises, physical education, outdoor games, hiking, or just wrestling on the couch.
– Develop the child’s visual perception. Study fine art together, watch the world around you, pay attention to its colours and shapes. Visit galleries, art collections.
– Quality music develops musical ear, brings harmony and order to the child’s world. Classical music certainly has such properties..
– You can develop and train your taste for food. It also presents chances to experience a range of new sensations, joy, and engagement.
– And finally, the child’s thoughts, their mind require particular attention. Intellectual activities enrich and develop the inner world of the child. By studying culture, children create a unique new world. Reading, watching educational films, documentaries, conversations, clubs, and classes… In all this, it is important to remember to help the child improve their skills, understand the goal, and track their progress.
– Living in society, the child needs to learn to communicate with themselves and those around. For a child, the experience of being alone trains the state of complete concentration. This is important because a child gradually learns to control themselves, their internal mental, emotional processes. But being in society, on the other hand, contributes to the ability to concentrate on the external.
