Chapter 2. “I can do anything!” (Optimism)
“And if I fail?” John asked. “You can always try again,” dad replied.
Optimism is how we explain toВ ourselves what is happening around us. The habit ofВ explaining events inВ aВ certain way is formed inВ childhood. Around the age ofВ seven, aВ child develops their own style.
What do an optimistic child and aВ child prone toВ pessimism say about reasons for unfortunate events?
1. An optimist is sure that everything can be changed. A pessimist does not have such confidence (“Oh no, what am I going to do now?..”)
2. An optimist thinks that a failure is isolated and accidental. A pessimist is sure that failures happen to them constantly and everywhere. (“It’s always like this with me!”).
3. An optimist attributes a trouble to the circumstances. A pessimist constantly blames themselves for any trouble. (“It’s all because I can’t do it”).
Adults play an important role in fostering optimism. First of all, always strive to tell the child the truth. Even if the truth is adjusted to the child’s perception, it is honest.
Give the child the opportunity toВ cope themselves with all tasks that they can manage on their own. Let them try, let them fail, but if you feel that they can do it, let them do it on theirВ own.
Be mindful ofВ your words and actions. If you want your child toВ become an optimist, you will have toВ become an optimist yourself! Only forward, only optimistic statements.
How, if ever, toВ criticize the child
Weigh all your comments on the scales ofВ reason. Remember that exaggerations and unnecessary emotions can deprive the child ofВ the desire for change. However, complete abstinence from comments weakens the will toВ correct mistakes.
Try toВ give your criticisms optimistically. Point out specific and fixable things.
Below are some examples ofВ bad and goodВ critique:
“Michael, what’s wrong with you? You’re always messing around!” and “Michael, you’re messing around today. I don’t like it.”
“Ann said you were crying the whole time I was gone. What a crybaby you are!” and “Ann said you cried the whole time I was gone. Were you sad without me?”
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