Nelli Davydova "Quit Quitting Smoking"

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«I quit smoking when I was 25. After that, I didn’t smoke for a long time. Five years ago, I started smoking off and on: I would smoke for a month, then take a break for a year, and so on. The book has divided my life into „before“ and „after“. Nelli, The book is the bomb! I got so many insights! I couldn’t stop reading. And even the part about our fears has settled in the back of my head somewhere, although I was bewildered on an unconscious level. After reading it, I felt so energetic and enthusiastic. I choose to be a non-smoker and free. Thank you for explaining everything so thoroughly. I have a strong desire to live and achieve my goals for the first time in a long time.»

Tatiana, 43В years old, Moscow

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«It’s been two days since I last smoked. I don’t even think about it now. It’s as if I’ve returned to a time when I didn’t smoke and didn’t crave it. It’s as if I have never smoked before. A year ago, I took pills to stop smoking, all in vain. I had it in my head that smoking was a habit, an addiction, not something one could easily give up. It turned out to be nothing but a belief. Nelli, as usual, you blew my mind. I can call this a miracle.»

Elizaveta Vlasova, 34В years old,В Tula

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«Nelli, thank you for this book. The information is detailed and easy to comprehend. Why do I need it? What exactly am I trying to replace with cigarettes? I gave myself a couple of days to complete the pack of smokes after finishing the book, but I broke them down and flushed them down the toilet in less than an hour. The cravings are gone, and if they suddenly appear, I just say to myself, „No, I don’t need it. I will not get tricked again.“ I start breathing deeply, but most of the time I don’t even think about it. As if there hadn’t been 30 years of smoking.»

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«It’s nice to realize that I don’t suffer. I really don’t feel the need for it. It’s eye opening. I was also reminiscing about those 4 years of no smoking. It was bliss. I feel so much better without cigarettes in general. There is no addiction anymore, no nausea, no odour… How did I forget that? A week later, I found myself going somewhere with an electronic cigarette in my hand. I took a drag out of habit. I felt so sad right away. I thought to myself, „Why?! What for?“ The despair and sadness jolted me awake. I was happy that it was just a dream!»

Elena Elena, 47В years old, Moscow

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«Nelli, thank you for this book. For your hard work and expertise. It all came together for me at last. What was wrong? Why couldn’t I stop smoking? I mean, I could stop it. But I couldn’t resist the temptation to start smoking again. I got trapped in a vicious circle of constant stress. And all I could think about at the time was cigarettes. I can’t tell you how many times this has happened to me. I couldn’t figure out why. But, it’s obvious now. When you have not smoked in a long time, you start to feel bursting with energy, and you’re not ready, you don’t know where to channel it, and you repress yourself – you smoke. Can you believe that I sat down to write a wish list, as you recommend, and I found my old one. „I want to quit smoking,“ was the first wish. Words can’t describe how happy I am. I heartily recommend this book to everyone. It breaks down all the thinking patterns and fears associated with smoking. In addition, it gives clear instructions on how to avoid falling into the trap in the future, as well as what to do if you catch yourself thinking about smoking. I’m finally free. I no longer smoke.»

Irina, 37В years old,В Kiev

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Well, what do you think about the feedback? Impressive, isn’t it? No worries. I already feel, through time and distance, that you’re probably scared now. Will I really quit after reading it?

You must have been panic stricken. How will my life change? What will you do? I will not be able to. Do you feel like you really want a cigarette right now? Just stop worrying, relax, and have a cigarette. You don’t have to give up anything. Go have a smoke and come back.

Are You Back?

You probably already realize that nicotine has enslaved you. On the smallest occasions, you need to light up. The body even starts to panic from a single thought of missing a chance to smoke. Or, once you get nervous, you immediately reach for a cigarette. Emotions change but cigarettes are always there for you. You’re addicted. You’re hooked.

And all of your attempts to convince yourself that you genuinely enjoy it have failed. You may, however, continue to claim that you do. It makes sense: you would not have smoked if you didn’t enjoy it.

But everything is not as it seems. We don’t like it, and we can’t like it. We are just trying to convince ourselves of that so we don’t look stupid in our own eyes, because we just can’t live without smokes. Even if we are well aware of the harm it does, we will still find numerous arguments in favor of smoking. If a doctor said that our lungs or legs would rot, and the next day we would die, that would not stop us from smoking.

It’s rare for a smoker to quit even after having a heart attack. But even those who do start puffing again after a while. Or, they don’t smoke, but live under stress, dreaming of a cigarette.

And how many times did people tell this steady smoker that he would end up with a heart attack? Did it stop him? That’s the kind of itch I’m talking about. All you care about is starting a cigarette and putting everything else aside. And every time I realized the negative consequences, I felt like a wuss. Chronic coughing, shortness of breath, and migraines plagued me. I never had the energy to do anything after smoking a cigarette. I would even disregard the ill effects such as nausea or migraines, and just go smoke. For a long time, I blamed myself for smoking, but I couldn’t help myself.

Just don’t stop there, thinking: «I’m not coughing or suffering from headaches. My health is good. I feel great. I’m full of energy. I certainly don’t need to quit. I also like it. I have no reason to quit, and I have enough money. I’m a happy person.» I fully understand you. Coughing and pain were not enough to make me quit smoking. I thought I was insanely happy with cigarettes.

Until it hit me. IВ was taking another poll asking my subscribers what topic IВ should write aВ post about or go on air with. Probably for the thousandth time, they suggested that IВ talk about how toВ quit and sort everything out. В«You can deal with any thinking pattern. Help us here too,В» they toldВ me.

I hesitated a long time before I sat down and dwelled on it. Even though I was dealing with health and financial issues, I was still convinced that I didn’t want to quit. After all, I really enjoyed it. «Cigarettes are indescribable bliss. In no way should I give up smoking and deprive myself of the joy and satisfaction it brings.» I was dead wrong.

I’m eternally grateful to my followers for having guided me to pay attention to this. I started writing the contents of the book, planning its structure. It was enough to turn me into a lifelong non-smoker. I’m here to bring my experience and knowledge to the table. It seems like I can finally see what I’ve been deliberately hiding from myself.

At first, I was going from one extreme to another. On the one hand, I wanted to quit smoking and blamed myself for not doing it. On the other hand, I didn’t want to, because I liked it so much. I didn’t have peace of mind. Anyway, I’d always choose to smoke because it was my greatest pleasure. I didn’t want to quit. But, deep down, I realized that, in addition to the detrimental effect on my health, it also made my breath and clothes smell terrible. Although I often said to myself, «I’m different. Other smokers may stink, but I’m an exception! Because I can’t smell smoke on my fingers.»

I even realized that my body was dying, although I didn’t feel it (neither do all smokers). Our immune system stops reacting to nicotine and quickly gets used to self-poisoning. The system disables receptors that transmit signals such as nausea, vomiting, and dizziness. And these signals indicate that every cigarette leads to irreversible consequences in our body. I was aware of that… but since I don’t see this, it means that everything is under control! I’m different. I can avoid committing suicide.

Self-deception is a great thing. Just like in that joke, when a man was falling off his mistress’ balcony and saying that he would give up all his bad habits if he survived. «Oh God, there’s no limit to human resourcefulness in critical situations!» he said after surviving. I was exactly like that. When smoking caused any discomfort, I said to myself, «I’m done. I don’t want to smoke anymore.» But once the emotions were gone, I resumed smoking. I blamed myself for being weak and lacking willpower. My brain came up with millions of reasons why I wanted to smoke to get rid of remorse.

But when I had an epiphany, I realized that I wasn’t a wuss and that my willpower was fine, too. Willpower plays no role at all. If you want to be a free person without addiction, just like me, you should forget about it. You can put energy into fighting something else. But fighting an illusion is a losing battle.

I dare say you’re not a wuss either, and everything is okay with your willpower and intelligence. One doesn’t start smoking because he is less smart or weak-willed. A smoker’s intellectual abilities in no way differ from a non-smoker’s. Anyone can fall into this trap. As a drug, nicotine spares no one.

I’m writing it to debunk the myth and ingrained belief that «I can’t quit smoking because I’m weak and spineless,» or something like that. It’s a myth. You keep smoking for very different reasons.

You’re a perfectly normal and sane person, just like me. Although one can doubt my sanity, it definitely has nothing to do with cigarettes. But that’s a whole different story.

I’m reluctant to bore you with how dangerous and harmful nicotine is. Or the fact that each cigarette contains about 50 deadly poisonous carcinogens (substances that contribute to the formation and multiplication of malignant tumors). Even if we know we’re going to die tomorrow, we still won’t quit smoking. After all, it itches too hard to give up this drug. We already know more about its danger than non-smokers, but we have developed immunity to this information. Why spoil our mood? It’s beyond our control anyway.

Yes, we are slowly dying. 80% of the time, we or our family will get cancer. And it doesn’t matter who smokes. Second-hand smoking kills too. Passive smokers (children, relatives) inhale the smoke. We have tons of problems: with the people around us, our health, money (we have to spend a lot on cigarettes). But still, there’s nothing we can do about it.

Indeed, we do not intend to kill our children, partners, parents, or ourselves. We sincerely hope that nothing bad is going to happen to our relatives or us. And some may even be inclined to believe the myth that everyone is healthy. It must be propaganda. Cigarettes can’t be that dangerous to our health or cause death.

Or, what’s even worse, some people have an immature attitude towards it. «We are all going to die someday. Why should we deny ourselves something? We live once and must try everything, come what may.» At the same time, everyone concerns about future: «How will I survive without money? What will happen tomorrow? What if I die?» But cigarettes don’t seem scary. Because we just can’t quit. We fail to. We have no choice but to put up with it and make excuses since we can’t quit. After all, there have been plenty of unsuccessful attempts to quit. We learned a long time ago that it’s impossible to quit. We just have to live with it and believe in myths.

Some of the focus group participants even told me, «Nelli, you haven’t reinvented the wheel. There is no point in reading this book since I won’t find anything new. I can’t quit. I’ve tried myriad times. It’s impossible.»

I’ve also read different books on how to quit smoking, but they were of no help either. I didn’t go further than a couple of chapters. I foresaw the narration and predicted the outcome like Nostradamus. No kidding, I thought I already knew what would follow next, just like a psychic. What was it all for? My third eye said it wouldn’t help anyway. I was desperate. I deluded myself into thinking this way.

My negative attitude towards any new information blocked positive changes. In fact, I didn’t know what would happen. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to learn something new. I only thought I knew everything. Before I picked up any book, I had already decided not to give myself a chance to quit smoking. This must be familiar to you too.

You may have even read these books toВ the end, and tried different ways toВ quit smoking, but nothing worked out. Then you surrendered and realized that you were doomed toВ smoke and live under stress forever.

IВ was aВ heavy smoker for more than 20В years. No matter how many times IВ tried toВ quit, IВ always proved toВ myself that there was no way out. Yes, IВ quit many times. IВ would refrain from it for aВ year. But IВ would end up smoking again. IВ guess every time you failed, you lost hope that one day you would break free.

I had a strong sense of guilt for not being able to put an end to it. And since I can’t stop it, it means, for some reason, I want to keep doing it. And, if I want to, I have to explain it to myself. After all, I’m not an idiot. These thoughts were spinning in my head.

By the way, just to get you motivated, I can proudly claim to be a 100% non-smoker now. And I didn’t have to quit smoking in the traditional sense. I neither suffered nor exercised my willpower. I managed to grasp the meaning of smoking: why we do it, and how our brain reacts to nicotine. After that, it took me just a minute to give up smoking forever. And from that moment on, I never experienced any cravings. People around me can freely smoke as much as they wish. I’m adamant about that very point. I will no longer put my neck into the noose. I have no regrets or thoughts about smoking.

But if I quit using my willpower, as I did before, I’d be stressed out for the rest of my life. «Oh, I don’t smoke, but I crave it,» I’d be constantly thinking about how not to smoke.

I acknowledged my thinking patterns and debunked all the myths. At that moment, I realized that from now on I would be a non-smoker and a free person. I easily got out of the trap, and you can do the same. Today, without putting it off for tomorrow. Or now or after finishing the book. It’s as simple as that, but you can hardly believe it so far.

Neural Connections And The Way We Think

Let’s talk about our brain work and thinking patterns.

I will get off the main topic for a while to elaborate on brain mechanisms and the world around us. Even if this chapter remains unclear to you, it’s okay. It won’t influence your decision on whether to quit smoking or not. If we cut this chapter from the book, it will not lose its relevance. But I love «blowing your mind,» so I will talk about it.

I don’t fit the mould of a typical coach and author. When writing, I neither try to comply with any standards nor stick to a particular style. I break the stereotypes, so let’s pretend we are having a friendly chat in the kitchen. If you wish, you can easily skip this chapter. But please don’t give up on reading the book. It will be much clearer later. With this chapter you will have a deeper understanding of everything that will follow next. I’ll try to explain this very difficult topic as clearly as possible.